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christina pan!

[ website | CHRISTINAspace ]
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[10 Aug 2009|12:33pm]
[ mood | blah ]

so here i will stay. i will try to make myself dream to get by, if i can remember how. it seems there is no time to dream anymore. my daydreams are far and few between and when i catch myself having one i snap myself out of it, guiltily convincing myself those dreamy moments could be better spent doing something more responsible, fruitful, productive. fuck.

once that innocence is gone, can you ever get it back? i know the answer to that.

time, you are the bane of my fucking existence.

this is kind of scattered, as are my thoughts........... but basically this journal is dunzo. i hate to end on this confusing note, but there's no point in a fake sugar coated last entry. especially if no one's gonna read it.

so farewell, dear livejournal. i've forgotten how to write, anyways.

teeny pan.

2 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[06 Aug 2009|04:16am]
i'd like to think i'm levitating, but in all honesty i'm hovering.
1 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[26 Apr 2009|08:26pm]
i need to learn how to stop putting the fate of my happiness in other people's hands.

i just always end up sadder.
1 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[22 Feb 2009|09:00am]
lu-lu loves me!
1 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

FRIENDS only =] [20 Nov 2008|10:05pm]

FRIENDS ONLY! Comment To be added!

61 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[29 Oct 2008|02:40am]

[01 Oct 2008|12:23am]
[ mood | apathetic ]


life drags on, doesn't it?

3 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[22 Sep 2008|01:17pm]
[ mood | confused ]

it is time to go.
where will have me?

[17 May 2008|12:02am]
i was wondering why no words would come,
why my mind draws a blank when i try to put to paper
the way i feel; the uncertainty, the nervousness.
but i can't. there's nothing there.
create something.

[09 Oct 2007|12:41pm]
ughhhhh i am so not living the life i wanna.
4 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

sooooo much going on [24 Jul 2007|12:09pm]
[ mood | excited ]

i can't wait until the dust settles and i can FINALLY start over. :]

[30 Jun 2007|05:04am]
Got plans for both of us
That involved a trip out of town
To a place I've seen in a magazine that you left lying around
I cant hold my liquor
But I keep a good attitude
Cause its alright
Some enchanted night I'll be with you
Though you'd rather see me gone
Than to see it come the day ill be waiting for you anyway

But it's alright
Some enchanted night I'll be with you

makeout kids never had the chance to be best friends. [04 May 2007|11:44am]
[ mood | confused ]

another month... even more confusion.

i don't think i've EVER been so confused about my life.

i am going to charlotte with megan today for her dj friend's rave. that should be fun. i've never been to a rave (even though back in the day i dressed like a lil candy kid, only i had no clue there was such a style/subculture) and i've always wanted to so i'm really excited.

the past few days have been very lazy and kind of confusing. there's so much i want to say and talk about but i don't even know where to start. i also don't know what's safe to say. nothing groundbreaking, just a few feelings and emotions and what's going on in my life, only i don't even remember who my friends are on here and i really don't trust anyone anymore.

i will say that an old familiar feeling has come back into my life along with a new, unfamiliar person. yet there is something so damn comforting and familiar about this person that i just can't help but gravitate towards them, just because they make me happy.

WHY is it that the only time i ever think, i think with my heart? my brain seems to have been out of order for over a year now, and my heart seems to have only grown bigger and dumber. seriously, i am such a passionate person that i seem to make stupid decisions based on my ever-changing emotions and the emotions of extremely flakey individuals.

i am craving a huge bowl of brussel sprouts. wtf.

1 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[26 Apr 2007|04:33pm]
love me
love me
say that you love me.
2 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

magic's in the makeup. [08 Apr 2007|09:56pm]
you are a complete fake, i can hardly stand it anymore.
you are good at what you do, but you don't fool me.
i'm not impressed.
2 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[15 Nov 2006|02:53am]
i just lied to my dad on the phone and told him i was doing well in school.

i am so SICK of things.... people, school, "friends", etc. etc.

i am flakey. i am lazy. i like being alone, but not lonely. i am way too nice. i am a pushover. i am caring. i am conisderate. probably way too considerate. and i know i am way too forgiving. my mom raised me to be sweet. it was fine when i lived in raleigh. but greenville is different. this really is Sin City, it seems. everyone comes here and some do well, others just get dragged down by this sad, small town and the fact that there is very little to do here but party.

i have become an apathetic lump of meaningless matter.

this world is hilarious. i think everyone (including myself) is going crazy, the only reason i feel slightly above everyone is because i actually realize this. i am having a mid-life crisis at the age of 19.

i want to run away, i want to escape. i want to start over. i want to change the way i eat, the way i think, the way i start my day. i want to organize my life and my closet. i want my car to be clean. i want to not have failed three classes in one semester. i want to have a job, responsibilities. i want consistancy. i want good friends who don't take advantage, mooch, or wear out their welcome. i want to see my ideas come to life, i want to see my designs in boutiques.

i want so many things, and i know that if i stay on the path i'm taking now, i won't get anywhere.

i dont want to be here.
i'm sick of being me.

i think the reason i love ghost world so much is because I am Enid. there are a few differences, but we are exactly alike in the areas that matter. i just might have to pull an Enid and skip town on a bus that doesn't exist.

[04 Jul 2006|03:54pm]
[ mood | excited ]

happy 4th of july everyone!
i'm going to gville with oliver and lyida to party!
what are everyone else's plans?

[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[11 Jun 2006|12:02pm]
[ mood | hopeful ]

i'm in love with your daughter. i wanna have her babies.

[20 May 2006|11:15am]
[ mood | bored ]

ughhhh my life is:
-Golden Girls
-My bed
-Perkiset (sp)
-The Food Network

pleeeease someone rescue me! i am sooo bored. bored and sore. i can't wait until i'm healed and i can do fun summer things, and get a job!

my birthday is this Tuesday. sighhhh.

[[well, they're worth writing down]]

[12 May 2006|06:57pm]
1 things i remember|[[well, they're worth writing down]]

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